I sometimes experience a twinge of embarrassment when I talk about my early preconceptions of the French .The stereotypes I held about the French were entirely off the mark. Instead of finding a neighborhood of distant, snobbish, and judgmental neighbors who would constantly make me feel inadequate for my limited knowledge of French culture and language, I discovered myself in the company of brand-new friends who were genuinely interested in American culture and eager to get to know me better.
1. Most French people love the United States and Americans. Despite any chilly treatment that some of us (including myself) may have encountered in Paris, it is important to remember that the city receives 30 million visitors each year, and some Parisians are simply tired of dealing with tourists. However, if you live in other parts of the country for an extended period of time, you will discover that the French have grown up watching our TV series (such as Friends and Grey’s Anatomy), following our sports teams (one of our neighbors is a devoted Rams football fan), and looking to us for the latest trends in business and technology. They may even be surprised to meet a new American neighbor, as they often believe that we have it all figured out in the U.S. and are amazed that we chose to move to their country.
2. The French would love to speak English with you, but they may be hesitant due to a fear of embarrassing themselves. Having taught English in Italy, I had no trouble getting my Italian students to participate and speak English openly, regardless of their proficiency level. However, it is a different story with my French students. Believe it or not, the French can be quite shy and self-conscious, and they are concerned about how they may be perceived. The advice to “learn a little French before you go” is more about making the French feel comfortable enough to open up than about them wanting to impose their language on you.
3. There are strict rules of politeness in French culture. If you say “bonjour” when entering a shop and “au revoir” when leaving, you have already won half the battle. The French value these polite greetings, and practicing them on a daily basis will help you make friends and build relationships. If you forget to say “bonjour” when entering a charming boutique during your French vacation, you may encounter the snooty attitude that is often associated with the French. Although it may seem like a small detail to us, it is seen as a lack of respect for them.
4. Behind their gruff exterior, the French have a sweet and generous nature. An American expat friend once told me, “The French are like coconuts. Crack their hard exterior, and you will find a sweet center.” I couldn’t agree more. What may come across as indifference to us is simply the reserved nature of the French. It takes longer to get to know them, but once you do, the bond is much stronger, and you will discover some of the kindest and most generous people on the planet.
5. Not all French people are chic and glamorous. The French individuals I know love barbecue chicken wings, wearing flip flops in the summer, and grabbing large tubs of popcorn on their way to watch the latest Mission Impossible movie. While many may have a refined side, they also enjoy letting loose and you will notice significant cultural differences throughout the country. One of the most memorable afternoons I spent on vacation was watching a Flamenco band playing passionately in the streets of Toulouse, while a group of Frenchmen danced with joy. It was a relaxed and vibrant atmosphere, far from the stereotype of stuffiness.
In conclusion, living in France has shattered my initial misconceptions about the French. They are not standoffish, snobby, or arrogant as I had believed, but rather friendly, curious, and kind individuals. They have an appreciation for American culture, and while they may be reserved at first, they are eager to engage with foreigners. French culture is governed by politeness, and practicing basic greetings will go a long way in building relationships. Behind their tough exterior, the French have a warm and generous nature. They may not all be chic and glamorous, but they know how to have fun and embrace different cultures. My experience in France has been nothing short of amazing, and I am grateful for the healthcare, sense of community, and wonderful friendships that this country has provided me.
